“The Sex Contract: This Is What You Signed Up For” by Brydell Rice

Unlike most dudes, my guy Kendal Carpetner is a reckless guy and he asked this chick what it was going to be. Are they going to be friends or if they’re going to be fucking? Of course she went with the safe and guarded, “oh, we can just kick it” line. Two months later here she is telling him “all you want to do if fuck” That’s what you signed up for lady! Expecting no-strings-attached sex to evolve into wedding bells will NEVER EVER HAPPEN.

WHY DO FEMALES DO THIS?

If you want the comfort of a man cuddling with you at night, If you want the feeling of a guy spending money to take you out to nice restaurants, If you want to be able to tell all of your friends that you have someone special in your life… Why would you sign a Dick Contract?

A Dick Contract is an unwritten agreement that we’re going to do things that boyfriend and girlfriends do, but at the end of the day, it’s not that serious. IT WILL NEVER BE THAT SERIOUS, all you get is, you got it, DICK. Anytime you give a guy the ass without making him your boyfriend in the process first, you’re agreeing to his rules and conditions. The Females in this generation love to to hit you with the “I’m doing niggas how they do girls, I’m not having any love in my heart”. Child please. That may work a few times, maybe on a sloppy one night stand or on that one lame dude who keeps calling you “beautiful”, but not on a real man who knows how to lay it down proper after you finish watching that RedBox movie. If he knows what he’s doing Mr. “Oh he’s just my friend” will give you backshots until you’re back in June.You’ll go from telling him that he can’t spend the night to wanting to bake him cupcakes and cut his steak.

Females are females for a reason. No matter how “Think like a man, act like a lady” you want to be, being a nurturer is built in your DNA. You can’t change 1,000s of years of evolution just because the last nigga did you dirty. It’s in a female to rock a crying baby even if she doesn’t know the baby, and it’s also in her to want to be in a real relationship with a man she likes, sex is not her objective, and that’s what makes Females generally better human beings than men. Embrace that inner “kitchen bitch” stop trying to be like us men, we’re animals out here!

It’s time to clear up this confusion this mixed signal shit is for the birds. I suggest there be a pussy contract between man and women. It’s not fair to my homie Kendal who was dicking this girl down, because now he has to find another ass shot on the weekends. It’s not fair to the girl who was getting smashed, because she lost a fun sex partner. And it’s really not fair to the girl’s boyfriend, because the only reason his bitch came running back was because she realized after months of taking another guy’s semen on her stomach that she would rather have affection than good penis. Instead of this awkward, “So… what are we doing? Where is this going?” bullshit that happens after 3 weeks of dating, Women need to cowgirl up and lay down the law.

The Sex Contract:

()The Relationship Package: You two hereby agree to move at your own pace with the intent of one day becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, agreeing to commit yourself to one another for the foreseeable future. If you choose this package, let it be known that you are not to give him the pussy anytime soon. In addition to waiting way too long to beat, he will be content with eating your ass and pussy AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! whenever you ask, talking on the phone a minimum of 4 hours a day, and being there when “that bitch at work is getting on your last nerve”. In exchange for the relationship pussy he agrees to introduce you to all friends and family members as “my girlfriend” and erase the numbers of all past girlfriends from his iPhone.

(x)The Rebound Pussy Package: You two hereby agree that the woman is in a delicate situation, and while she has the option to upgrade to the relationship package, for the time being this is strictly hardcore nasty sex followed by sporadic arguments when you “Do things that remind her of her ex-boyfriend”. The Rebound Package becomes null and void after a period of 90 days or when she gets back with her boyfriend, whichever comes sooner.

()The Slut/Hoe Package: You two hereby agree that you just want to have sex. You have a maximum allowance of two dinners outside of the apartment, and you are not allowed to introduce each other to any friends or family. At no time are you to call each other “boo or bae” or say the Love word unless it’s to say “I Love this Dick/Pussy”. Both parties have the right to see, date, talk to, Marry anyone they want to while apart of this agreement.

(x)The Oral Sex Add On: If you choose this add on both of you reserve the right to ask for and receive head at any time regardless of if you “like doing it” or not.

*The Freak Clause: If it’s revealed at any time during any package that she is into things nastier than the occasional girl on girl experimentation, Example: filmed sex, and ass to mouth, the contract becomes void. …unless of course you’re into that sort of thing.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

“Summer Time Is A Reason To End Cuffing Season” by Brydell Rice

During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed. BUT, guess what? It’s summer time. During the summer time, everybody is single. Everybody is outside having fun. Less clothes. Hoes out, toes out. Will your relationship last during the summer? I highly doubt it, and I’ll elaborate in the following paragraphs.

“Cuffin’ Season” is officially within our midst during the fall, but it has ended. Prepare yourselves during the month of May, marks the day the most aggressive lust games officially begin: The Thirst Rush. So, if you noticed that throughout the summer that dude’s been on their slow creep to relevancy: check-in text messages, (“Hey, how are you?”), a random phone call (“I was just thinking about you so I called…”), and the classic heart warmer, a good morning text (“I hope you have a good day”), know that his eyes are fixed on your pussy and not your personality, sweet wrists and doesn’t want to cuff you, he wants to fuck you. However, know that the mass courting texts are alive and well. But, if you have a man, this is a reason to end cuffing season. The attention is all on you now ladies, and this is why…

The Thirst Month Rush:

The month of May is the period of time when dudes will go out of their way to seduce and impress women, better known as “Drake’s Weep Month”, where all of the sweet nothings whispered by Drizzy on his hit songs, suddenly become the new tone solitary men begin to greet you with. Said solitary man may express missing you. He may even pull the, “Hey Stranger” text message to guilt you into missing him and will have you untucking your vagina during the summer… even if you’re in a relationship.

During the summer, the thirst is at its all time high and the actions a dude is about to execute may make or break the deal for him. You should recommend regarding all of his flattery as more so entertainment than sincerity.

May- June:
End your relationship while it lasts. Why?

All good things must come to an end. The best approach to take when breaking off your cuff is a gradual fadeout. After all, you boyfriend was your lover for a few months during the fall/winter, so your break-up should be soft, subtle, respectable and leave enough room for possible revisiting rights during the summer. Again, cuffing is a season of games, love games to be clear, and if any man can’t recognize your great sportswoman-ship, make sure that’s the last time you cuff him and make his ass regret it during the summer.

On a final note, do have fun this upcoming summer. End your relationships with your boyfriends while you can because you’ll end up cheating anyway. When observed properly (not hawked up on continued expectation nor the disappointment of unrequited love) cuffing season is a wonderfully joyous occasion worthy of observation, but God invented the summer time for beautiful women to be free, boyfriendless, and to gain all attention from thirsty men. Live it up, and have a safe summer. Brydell Knows…

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

“Happy Mother’s Day: Are You A Mother Or A Liability?” by Brydell Rice

What I find so ironic is that these women call themselves “Mothers” when Mother’s Day comes around because to me, a mother is a woman who takes care of her children. It amazes me that these moms portray themselves as mothers. What kind of woman abandons her child every weekend in the name of fun? If you have 1 child that you abandoned, and you’re pregnant with your 2nd, you’re not a mother… you’re a liability.

Not a day goes by that I see these so called “Mothers” slandering their baby’s daddy on Facebook and Twitter. When one parent makes derogatory remarks to the child about the other parent, the child may not want to see or talk to the alienated parent. This is what I call Parental Alienation Syndrome. How you does a woman who abandons her child every night for dick have the nerve to alienate her baby’s daddy? Women who get on social networks downing their child’s father should be shot. You sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas. Unifit mothers shouldn’t be allowed to celebrate Mother’s Day, have a Driver’s License nor have a social network account. I hate when women who aren’t mothers try to tell everyone else how to be a mother. When was the last time you saw your child? Anybody can make a baby…do you take care of yours? All of yours, all the time, not just when it is convenient? What can you show me about your child other than a few wallet-sized photographs? What is your child proof of other than the “Pull-Out Technique” isn’t effective? Children make excuses, adults make changes. Any excuse you have for not being in your child’s life is null and void. You may be a parent but it isn’t apparent. You’re not a real mother unless you’re active in your child’s life.

They say “perception is reality”, so as woman what do you perceive? Are you deceiving yourself by calling yourself a mother? I think so. You’re no better than a Lab Retriever dog. At least they nurture their offspring. Hinduism teaches when the mother is out of order, the WHOLE family is out of order. Mothers are the center of the family. Therefore, be in your childs life and stop using Mother’s Day as a day to fish for gifts.

A Mother is a child’s first teacher. A Father is a child’s first hero. People have to tell their daughters how beautiful and worthy they are of the best or they may grow up to tolerate abuse. I know everybody can’t be a perfect parent, but be the best parent you can be. The least you can do as a mother is give your child a fighting chance instead of using your child as a trophy showing that your reproductive organs work… Brydell Knows.

P.S. Happy Mother’s Day and much love to the women that take care of their children and never abandon them in the name of fun.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014 & @BrydellRicecom

“When Side Pieces Are Wifed Up” by @Bdell1014 and @Arete88

-Brydell

Me and my guy Bryant Bowens are back with another installment. We all make jokes about Side Pieces being wifed up. Side Pieces are hoes. Side Pieces are in denial, yadda fucking yadda, but aren’t you tired of chasing that Side Piece around and inquiring to her every activity? What do you call yourself doing by wifing up that Side Piece? Are you running some kind of Side Piece reform clinic? Have you created some type of 12 step program at your Side Piece haven you call a home? Side Pieces have some interesting reasons as to why they pursued a life of Hoedom. They most likely say their Father wasn’t in their life and he’s the reason they became a hoe, and this is why Side Pieces want to get wifed. They’re looking for man to reassure their life. I am just fascinated by this reassurance from a menacing figure. It is rather frightening.

-Bryant

Something seems abnormal today! As I wake and pray to the man above for giving me another day on this earth, something seems aberrant to say the least but in a good way. The birds are chirping notes they have never displayed by my window before. The grass is greener, even the air smells fresher as I step to my front porch. Today feels like the first day of a new beginning. I step back into the house where I check my typical rounds via social media. I check my Twitter and Facebook, and plant my eyes on my news feed and everything came in full circle on my intuitions. The Side Piece relationship status changed from single to in a relationship. (Horror Music Insert Here)The sounds of heavenly chimes changed to Satan’s theme in 0.5 seconds in my head.

-Brydell

Ahhhhh maaaaan. It’s so annoying to see a Side Piece wifed up. When they finally find a man, they brag about it on Twitter because that’s how they mask their inferior. I see through your facade. Fellas, what are YOU doing? You’ve fell into the Side Piece trap and now you think you can change her ways. Face it, she can’t morph from a Side Piece into a Queen. She’s a maggot, not a caterpillar. Therefore, she can only become an annoying housefly, and never a beautiful butterfly. She’s not attracted to the beautiful flower, like things in life. She’s attracted to shit. Hence, a Side Piece’s capacity is only sexual. Promoting them to any level above that is foolish and uncivilized. You can’t change that Side Piece. So, you might as well EXCHANGE that Side Piece. That’s right. Network with your friends and borrow each other’s chicks like you did video games back in grade school. Trade these hoes like Pokemon cards. Share & pass these hoes around like a joint… Brydell Knows.

-Bryant

Who, What, When, Where, and Why, instantly runs through my head for this tragic display that I have just witnessed. Luckily, she had the name of the significant other in the status. It was the typical specimen who falls into the Side Pieces plan of fruition, and that is ladies and gentlemen the “Out of Towner”. The “Out of Towner” becomes the potential “Boo” during events like Lil 5, Expo, and random road trips. This is the perfect opportunity for the Side Piece to start off with a clean slate. It’s like a hunting scene between the predator (Sidepiece) and prey (Out of Towner) on National Geographic. The golden opportunity to show her mating qualities to someone that doesn’t know her hoe background at home. When the hunter finally catches her target, you will see a slight difference in the Side Piece. The word “Naïve” is best to describe it. They are innocent like the kid who took candy from the stranger. These are just 10 of the 118 changes you will see occur when the Side Piece is wifed up.

Bryant & Brydell’s 10 indicators of “Side Piece Changes.”

• Tweets & Facebook statues like “Needing Some Company” are switched with “Missing Him” posts.
• Instagram pics change from scantily clad to fully clothed.
• No more visitations at the health & abortion clinic. Her life style changes and finally uses a LifeStyle.
• She changes her friends that were also Side Pieces because birds of a feather flock together.
• Deleting of the Inbox Messages and DM’S.
• The Late Night Texts guys send to the Side Piece from 12-3 A.M. are not being responded to anymore.
• Their periods are not irregular anymore. Plan B pills are no longer an option.
• Church visitations are more frequently. If the relationship is going perfect, then a Wednesday service is attended during the week as well.
• Their Ring Backs changes from Yo Gotti’s “Harder” to Yolanda’s Adams “Open My Heart.”
• Black and Mild’s sales are down in the Women’s Demographic ages 18-34.

P.S. Me and Bryant’s article is sponsored by a HBCU, you just got yo Black ass schooled.
Follow Us On Twitter: @Bdell1014 & @Arete88

“Lick Your Girl’s Ass” by Brydell Rice

This article will be about a touchy subject that most people don’t condone in, but if it satifies your girl, why not lick her crack for a late night snack. Fellas, you ever wonder why the dishes are never washed? or why you don’t have a home cooked meal waiting for you when you arrive home? It’s because you’re not licking your girl’s ass.

You can’t put your mouth on every woman you sleep with. Licking a girl’s butt is solely for the Queen & not the peasants trespassing your castle. I licked a girl’s ass once. It was incredible. It was an extreme feeling of domination and submission, dirtiness and intimacy. She held the back of my head and pushed my face into it while she commanded that I put my tongue in deeper. I motor boated her ass. Hearing her demands for everything made me aroused. This is something I want to experience more often. Only if I’m in a relationship though. When I’m in a relationship with a woman, I’ll lick every crevices of her body. Ass, vagina, nostrils… you name it.

I’d been licking her vagina when I started to venture near her asshole. I heard her draw her breath in, sharply. She didn’t encourage me but she didn’t stop me, either. It was a whole new experience for the both of us. But, I will say after I did this, we had less arguements, she wasn’t going through my phone, and the sex was better. Be a man, lick your girl’s ass. Brydell Knows.

P.S. Ladies, If he doesn’t pump yo gas, make him lick yo ass.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

“We Don’t Care That You’re High: Fuck 4/20″ by Brydell Rice

Hello loyal reader, today is 4/20 A.K.A. “National Marijuana Day.” First I’d like to ask, do you even know how 4/20 was created? No? You just follow a trend because a bunch people on social networks cosigns this pseduo holiday? You’re a sad case. Smoking mounds of weed doesn’t gauge levels of coolness. If you smoke weed every damn day, you’re a junkie. Ain’t no way around it. In this generation, a nigga will spend $100 or more a week on marijuana, but can’t treat a woman to a $20 plate? I don’t belong here. Priorities.

Bob Marley did not die on the cross for you pot heads to be smoking mounds of marijuana on 4/20. Fellas, if your rims cost more than your than your car? You shouldn’t be buying marijuana. If your sneakers cost more than your watch? You shouldn’t be buying marijuana. Your sneakers shouldn’t cost more than your watch. Time is money. Put down that joint & get you a nice watch. Some clothes that fit. Take care of your teeth. Be a man.

People will follow a trend just because. People out here don’t even know how 4/20 was originated. I know & I don’t even smoke. 4/20 was originated by a group of teenagers in California back in 1971. The teens would meet after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana. A small town called Tell City, in Indiana began this tradition a few years back. Pseudo weed smokers pretend they know about 4/20, but don’t even know the origins of this wack ass holiday. Wonderful logic you have there.

In conclusion, ladies if your man rather spends his last $20 on weed, it’s okay to cheat on him. He ain’t shit. His priorities are way out of line. A delusional nigga will claim that he’s being “hated” on because everyone is against this holiday. Now, a question to those who proclaim to be “Hated On”… what have YOU done to acquire haters? Bruh, you didn’t get that job because they hated on you? No, maybe you should have passed the drug test. Stop smoking marijuana. Brydell Knows.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

“Why Do We Have Dreams When We’re Asleep?” By Brydell Rice

I know you’re use to me giving my skewed opinions on different topics between men & women, but in this installment I’m going to show you a side of me that I never share with people. Not even friends & family, & I shouldn’t be giving this type of info out anyway because people need to think for their damn self, but I’ll elaborate in the following paragraphs.

Do you know why we have dreams when we’re asleep? Can you even remember them when you wake up in the morning? Most people can’t even answer those two questions & I’ll tell you why. Every night before I go to sleep I write down “I want to remember my dreams & thoughts” with a pen & pad. As you write it down your brain invokes that message. Your conscious & subconscious part of your brain will automatically remember & when you wake up from your dream state you’ll get up in the morning & start writing stuff down. This is why I sleep with a pen & pad next to my bed. Once you write your thoughts & dreams down on paper, you invoke it to the universe, & this is how you manifest reality. When you are asleep you are alive. The dream world is the real world, what we are living in now while we’re awake is called an illusion. The body is a vessel & we have a soul inside that vessel that leaves the body when we’re asleep. Basically it’s a out of body experience. People don’t have the ability to leave their body when they’re asleep because they watch Television. Television misconstrueds your thoughts, & that’s why people have bad dreams. This is one of the reasons why I only watch 8-10 hours of Television a week & I stated this in the “Fuck Reality TV: Imagination of Illusion” article. But, your soul tries to leave your body every night while you’re sleep, but most people can’t & that’s why people twitch & jump while they’re asleep because their soul is trying to fight it’s way out of the pineal gland. This is why your soul doesn’t have the ability to leave your body because it’s calcified from watching too much damn Television. Bad dreams come from the bad foods you eat & the shit you watch on Television. All the TV shows you watch, you start visualizing bullshit & you bring it into your spirit world while you’re asleep.

Dreams are real. We are cosmic begings & we are multi-dimensional. People always wondered what REALLY happens to them once they die. When you die, your soul enters the 5th dimension AKA “Heaven,” but most people aren’t able because their soul is so calcified to the point they’re stuck in the 3rd dimension AKA “Earth” & this is why we have drifters & ghost that dwell in our presence everyday. That’s why we have “Body Snatchers.” Body Snatches are the ones that makes it feel like your being held down when you’re asleep, & they send you negative messages in your dreams.

Everybody in this world has a twin. But, they’re not on this planet. They’re on the twin planet called “Terra.” Terra is the 5th dimension of where your “higher self” is at. This is why YOU are always apart of every dream you have because your “higher self” (your twin) travels from the 5th dimension & into your dreams. That’s why I find it important to sleep with a pen & pad next to my bed because my “higher self” tells me my purpose for being here on Earth & I write it all on paper. Lowkey, this is how I know so much about different things & I share them in my articles, Facebook posts, & Tweets, because it’ll be useless if I die with it. Once you start to remember your dreams, your thoughts will be more pure & vivid. Once you start to eat right, stop watching Television, your dreams will change up. Stop eating processed foods. Processed foods will change up your DNA cole. Your DNA cole is like the tree of life inside your body, but stupid people eat processed foods that’ll change their thoughts, dreams, spirit & soul. Once you start eating right, your appetite will go away & start disappearing. Food is so overrated. The only thing you actually need is the sun. Somedays, I barely even eat, because I’m a solar being. Every small hole on your body is a solar panel & it’s sucking in energy from the sun. You don’t even need to eat. People think I’m crazy, people think I’m joking. I have so much energy & I barely even eat & I can go on for days without sleep if I wanted to because I spend 30 minutes to a hour in the sun everyday.

In conclusion, dreams are real & you must put proper stuff in your body so you can get the proper dreams you deserve. If you listen to me you’ll be able to remember & control your dreams. Now that I gave you the knowledge, what will you do with it? I feel so guilty leaking all this info because you can’t find it in a book or on the internet. Brydell Knows.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

“Ways To Know You Are The Hoe In Your Click” by (@Bdell1014 & @arete88)

Bryant-

Assenting with my young comrade, there are multiple ways for women to spot the floozy friend. A hoe track record stretches longer than a run on sentence, and the innocent friend is there to witness the (Hoe) excuse me the “Whole” thing. There are a heap of fun things women partake in amongst their female counterparts. One example is having brunch at least once a week. Well if you are scratching your head and telling yourself “Me and my friends never go to brunch”; I am sorry to crush your little promiscuous heart but you might be that Hoe within the circle. That is the gossip hour, where your friends discuss the tip drill acts you displayed in the club the weekend before.

Brydell-

Great points, Bryant. Furthermore, Classy chicks secretly hate their Hoe freind because we men LOVE them.  Riddle me this, do you know why chicks say shit like, “I’m dressing like a Hoe tonight”? Because Hoes have the most fun in life & they get all of the attention, which is why they’re the most hated in their click. If one of your friends of the click is a Hoe, everybody else is bound to be a Hoe. One bad apple spoils the bunch. If your Hoeness, Hoeism, & Hoe-ocity rubs off on your friends who were once classy women, you’re the Hoe of the click.

Bryant-

Despite all of the coonery that is considered popular amongst our youth, (one of them being Hip Hop), there are special gems we can get from the diminishing genre. That tool I’m referring to is Quotes/Sayings. The term “Sayings” is an understatement. Your hoe friend will call them “Daily Rituals”. Check out your friend Bio on her Twitter page. Do they live by the motto “Y.O.L.O.”? Female rapper Drake, has created an epidemic for fast women to unleash their” Inner Hoeism” with no remorse. Chivalry isn’t dead your Hoe friend killed it.

Brydell-

If your entourage of friends is 3 or 5 girls, at least one of them is the Hoe friend. Don’t be upset. You know which percent you fall into. There are many subcategories of Hoes, just like Bubba Gump broke down shrimp in the movie “Forest Gump.” Hoes too can come in many forms. Pay My Rent Hoe, I Drank Too Much Liquor Hoe, Summer Time Hoe, I Fuck Different Men In Other Cities Hoe, My Boyfriend Made Me Mad Hoe, Groupie Hoe, or the old fashion “I need money after sex” Hoe. Whatever category you are in make sure you’re a not a stupid Hoe. Respectable females, you will never be forgotten. I know all the Hoes get all the attention. But, you are &  forever will be the real definition of a woman… Brydell Knows.

Follow Us On Twitter: @Bdell1014 & @arete88

“Are You In The Friend Zone?” by (@Bdell1014 & @arete88)

Brydell Rice-

Ahhhhh maaaan… Are you in the Friend Zone? It’s the worse place a man can be unless you’re a Homosexual or if the girl is ugly. There’s nothing wrong with a platonic relationship between man and woman. But let’s be damn clear, a man NEVER sets out to just be friends, pussy is his motivation, always. The Friend Zone is like the Matrix, no matter how hard you try to get out, it’s nearly impossible unless you’re Neo from the movie “Matrix.” You know one cool thing about women, women get to have platonic friends. “He’s my homie…I love him like a brother, he’s my bestfriend.” Men don’t have platonic friends. We just have women we haven’t had sex with yet.

Bryant Bowens-

The Friend Zone is like a realm of darkness and depression between hell and the earth’s surface because you have the responsibilities of a boyfriend without receiving any sex. Truthfully, I can tell you signs that will let you know you landed in the Friendzone, but I can’t tell you how to get out because I’ve made it a habit not to get there in the first damn place.

Friend Zone Signs by Bryant Bowens

• If she’s always calling you and texting you but the conversations are not about YOU & HER.

• If you haven’t tongue kissed her by the 1st or 2nd date, you’re on your way to the Friend Zone & not the End Zone.

• If she talks about every guy she likes to you & you’re okay with it, you’re giving off Homosexual vibes.

• If you are on your 6th date and it’s not a RedBox night, you’re no longer in the Friend Zone, you’re in the Lame-Ass-Dude Zone.

Brydell-

Tell’em Bryant. It’s time for dudes to get out that Friend Zone and get into to the End Zone. Like I said there is nothing wrong with being friends with girls especially if you’re like me and like talking about girly shit, but at the same time I know what it’s like to really like a girl and she doesn’t think of you that way. So unless you really want to add someone with breast to your entourage, make sure you pull your dick out during that getting to know them stage, that way you know if she likes you as a friend or as a lover.

Follow Us On Twitter: @Bdell1014 & @arete88

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Check out @arete88′s “Fake Shore Drive” article———> http://wso.li/1UlG

“10 Signs That You’re A Hoe” by Brydell Rice

For those of you out there playing the dating game, it can be a rough world. Especially for hard working, honest men. Undercover hoes are out in force trying to bag you. They come in all shapes and sizes, in all kinds of disguises, so here’ s some things to watch out for…to minimize the surprises… You didn’t know I flow?

10) She has no girl friends. Explanation? “I just get along better with guys”. Yeah, I bet you do!

9) She has a hair band on her wrist at ALL times. Think about it.

8) She carries underwear in her purse. I shouldn’t even have to mention that one, but, you never know.

7) If your mother put you on birth control before you were 18 years old, she was a Hoe and knew it ran in the family.

6) She falls asleep first.

5) Her mom is a hoe. The apple doesn’t usually fall far from the tree. If her mom was a hoe, chances are, she’s going to follow that same hoe-ified path.

4) When you ring her doorbell she asks, “why didn’t you just honk?”

3) She spends more time getting ready to go to the gym than she actually spends at the gym.

2) She watches Reality TV. Women love the media, and lets face it, TV is like a live feed directly from the Hoe academy. From a very young age they’re taught that hoe tendencies will lead them to a life of fun and satisfaction. Unfortunately, for a young woman, the tattered path towards gratification only leads to hoeification.

1) HER MOM IS A HOE!

Its an epidemic, ladies and gentlemen. There is no known vaccine for the Hoe virus, but there are several immunizations. Educate yourself. Brydell Knows…

Follow Me On Twitter @Bdell1014