Archive for January, 2012

Twitter, a social network where people with no lives meet up and pretend that they do have lives. 35% of the people that pop up on my timeline are living in poverty, but they act like they got it. Twitter is a stalkers dream come true. Can also be used to start Twitter beef, annoy random people and impersonate naive unsuspecting souls. Alternatively, it can also be used as an extremely lame conversation starter.

**Here are few of the changes I’d enact if I was the owner of Twitter**

1. A Feature that automatically exposes those with “Twubby’s” & “Twifey’s” on Twitter:  People be in and out of relationships with different people a year like dating has a trial period. Being in a relationship is cool, but they’re not descriptive enough to fully cover the myriad types of arrangements we find our Twitter Followers in. Wouldn’t it be great if Twitter automatically puts things like “@RollinUpLoud is blatantly cheating on @iGetWet” or “@irespectfemales has been a virgin since October 14th 1990” or “@A$APNoRocky is a non-motherfuckin factor in @AssNTitties life“? If this feature was added, no one would have Twifey’s or Twubby’s inserted into their bio.

2. Filters for Followers with made up Ratchet Twitter names:
Since you can’t go around Unfollowing and Blocking your too-young-acting family members and predicate felon cousins, how nice would it be if you could finally put all the people with long ghetto Twitters names like “@BadBitchBarbie” and “@PussyMoneyWeed” on their own separate timeline so all their Hoodrat festivities and baby-momma drama could be filtered elsewhere.

3. Tweet Bullshit Detectors:
Useful for when the next time a “Twitter Follower” is on your timeline lying and tweeting things like “Me and my girls just left Chicago. Next stop, dinner with Lil Wayne and the whole YMCMB crew.” The Tweet Bullshit Detector automatically responds with “Hoe, stop lying. You know you and your girls just left McDonalds and the only reason you’re out of town all the time is because you abandon your child on the weekends.

4. Real Time Twitter Profile Pictures:
Whenever someone posts a flattering and deceptive picture or a fat girl posting a Head Shot as her Twitter profile picture to deceive people, the “Real Time Twitter Profile Picture” prompt will take details from your page, age, favorite music artist, education level, etc. and extrapolate exactly what the person SHOULD look like today in real life.

5. Picture Messaging in DM’s: Long overdue, the DM picture messaging would be my single favorite thing about Twitter. Hell, it might even be my single favorite thing about the internet. Seriously, I believe people would like it too. Especially because Twitter turns into Adult Swim after 12AM. It’ll turn people’s DM’s into a porno from all the sexual gratified type pictures that would be DM’d. Twitter really needs to add this feature.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014


Whenever a female has a fucked up relationship with her Father, or absence of a Father figure during her childhood, it tends to sync into any and every relationship they embark on, usually to the chagrin of any poor male figure in their life. Think about it. Think about how every single dating and relationship-related thing that could possibly be wrong with a woman always seems to trace back to her Father.

Examples of Women With “Daddy Issues”:

  • If a woman seeks approval from men, it’s because she didn’t get enough from her Father.
  • If a woman only dates older men, it’s because she’s searching for a Father figure.
  • If a woman is only attracted to distant and emotionally unavailable men, she’s trying to replicate the relationship she had with her Father.
  • If a woman dates players and man hoes, it’s because her Father was the same way.
  • If a woman is promiscuous, it’s because she either didn’t give enough love from her Father or had an inappropriate relationship with him.
  • If a woman can’t properly gauge a man’s character, it’s because her Father didn’t teach her how.
  • If a woman fucks an illegal alien (Mexican), it’s because her Dad got abducted by a UFO.

At that point in our generation, it’s just normal for women to have “Daddy Issue’s.” No one on Earth has a perfect relationship with their Father, and this normalcy means that this “issue” can no longer stand as an excuse for demeaning yourself as being a Hoe. This article isn’t meant to minimize the importance of a Father in a young woman’s life. Dads matter and Daughters need them. But, using “Daddy Issues” as a universal excuse, distinction, and diagnosis subtly absolves accountability, making all Dads equal scapegoats for Hoeish behavior is unacceptable.

You know, I’m not a Dad yet, but I might be one day in the future. If this day comes, there’s a 50/50 chance that my child will be a daughter, and I will do everything in my power to protect, love, and educate my Daughter. But, if she decides to cite a hug I didn’t give her in 2019 as the reason why she can’t find love in 2039, I’ll have one message for her: “Fuck you.”

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

Valentine’s Day is coming up and there needs to be some guidelines set for Side Chicks. Sometimes setting rules for Side Chicks is not enough, so I’ll be the genius and create a day for all the players and cheaters. And that day is “Side Chick Day.” Basically, it’s any day after any major holiday or birthday. For example, Valentine’s Day. The Side Chick may have sex with her undying love February 1st through the 13th and spend Valentine’s Day alone.

Rule 1: When a man is in a real relationship, you know, the one with a actual title like boyfriend/girlfriend, there are certain commitments that need to be maintained, like Valentine’s Day. Listen closely, Valentines Day is NOT for you so don’t Call me, don’t Text me, don’t Email me and definitely don’t start no drama, just stay in your lane and wait until the coast is clear.

Rule 2: Keep the communication between Side Chicks to a minimum on social networks on Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty sure in the convenient surveys is a statistic that shows Twitter, Facebook, and other social networks is the number one catalyst for failed relationships. It’s very easy to get caught up on such social networks which is why if a guy refuses to acknowledge you on his Timeline he’s trying to hide your affiliation. Side Chicks, you are not allowed to Tweet your undying love “Happy Valentines Day.” If so, you will be Unfollowed and with persistence you’ll be Blocked.

Rule 3: The day after Valentine’s Day is when you receive a gift, when the store bought gifts are discounted or on sale. Side Chicks get a $5 teddy bear or 99-cent gas station rose and some Penis. Keep in mind the day before, the girlfriend or wife more than likely received a $100 bouquet of roses, $50 teddy bear, and much, much more. You lose. Side Chicks, you get the left overs.

Rule 4: Don’t threaten your lover that you’re about to “Kill yourself.” LOL. More than likely, they don’t care because you’re only used for sexual gratification purposes. This is when Side Chicks get crazy or even become a philosopher on love through Tweets and Facebook posts (you out of all people are not an expert in this department).

Rule 5: You will continue to play your role on the bench. You can forget about having a weekend get-away and there’s no chance of a romantic evening for two. Sure, you’ll get Flowers and a box of chocolates…on Wednesday…when they are 50% off.

In conclusion, do you think a Side Chick has a right to be upset when the person they’re involved with spends Valentine’s Day with their real partner? Is it fair or to be hypocritical for someone who’s cheating to expect their Side Chick or “significant other” to be faithful? Heaven forbid I am just a harbinger of bad news. Worst case scenarios, you may be the Side Chick and if you apply to this article, just keep hope alive. What are you doing for Valentine’s Day or the day after A.K.A. “Side Chick Day”?

Follow Me On Twitter: Bdell1014

Dear Females,

I hope this letter reaches ya’ll in good Health. In other words, I hope you’re not on your Period. I know we can’t have Sex, but I hate that bitch that visits you once a Month. I can’t hold it in any longer, and have a confession to make. They should rename Menstrual Cycles into “Blowjob Week.” I’ll elaborate in the following paragraphs.

Ladies, please don’t over analyze this letter as me being selfish. This is all about YOU and YOUR best interests. When you’re on your Period, I’m distraught by seeing you in pain. It grieves my soul to see you suffering with cramps, bloating, swollen tender breasts, and hot flashes. While ovulating, you come to Bed dressed like a little boy wearing pajama pants and large t-shirt. I look at your side of the Bed, and knowing that your cycle is holding your Pussy hostage almost brings me to tears. More importantly, when your Period is on, and that Tampon is shoved up your vagina, I feel like I’m being cheated on. Therefore, you’ll be untucking that mouth during the duration of your cycle and I’ll explain how in the “Rules of Receiving Menstrual Cycle Blowjobs.”

“The Rules Of Receiving Menstrual Cycle Blowjobs”:

  • If she’s on her Period & calls you over to just “Chill,” you’re not getting a Blowjob & she’s essentially putting you in the “Friend Zone.”
  • If she gives you Head while she’s on her period & lets you nut in her mouth, she’ll cosign on a Car for you.
  • If she spits back your reproductive juices while she’s on her Period, she won’t be calling or texting you again.
  • If she lets you ejaculate on her face while on her period, she likes you enough to let your “Main Juice” seep into her skin like Proactive.

Ladies, don’t be discouraged, there’s hope at the end of this letter. For every problem, there is a solution. I believe that God granted women menstrual cycles to give their fuck buddy, husband, or boyfriend 5 days to receive Blowjobs. Therefore, if you love your significant other, you’d give them Blowjobs while you go through your monthly transformation. Please consider.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

Reality TV ruined my generation and it’s the downfall of civilization as we know it. Why? Because Reality TV is the Crack Cocaine of Television. It relies on stretching out tension ridiculously and keeping interest with promising plot twists. In most cases, after you see an episode of “Basketball Wives” you pretty much show no interest to watch it again, and that’s the only factor that will keep dramas and comedies alive on television. Unfortunately Reality TV has saturated the networks so much that mundane fictional television shows are getting praise because there is a huge lack of variety despite hundreds and hundreds of channels.

Turn your TV off! You watch Reality Shows such as Love & Hip Hop, Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, and etc. and you’re worshiping illusions that are not REAL. You have to understand how much power is coming through these visions from the TV. The sound waves come in, then goes to your vision, and then to your mind as it controls your thoughts. Reality TV = Turning People Into Slaves With “Mental Chains.” Televison a.k.a. “Tell Lies To Your Vision.” You see things on these Reality Shows and you believe it but they’re not real, everything is fake. If you want to change YOUR reality, you must detach yourself from the TV. Have a reality and not an illusion.

Have you ever heard of the Law of Attraction? Probably not because your ass is a sheep and you follow blindly. Whatever you’re attracted to interacts with your character. (Example: You watch TV so the only thing you’re going to attract is bullshit and illusions. You watch “Basketball Wives” and become attracted to Hoopers and that essentially makes your ass groupie). Simple knowledge. Everytime you watch these shows you’re bringing negativity into your life. MTV and VH1 are not even creative enough to create a different type of show instead of Reality Shows. Their brains are stuck. You see the same Reality Show on TV over and over and over and over because they’re not innovators. EVERY Reality Show is based off another because they can’t create. I can create anything, I created these articles for my blog because I “think” and I make my thoughts manifest to reality.

In conclusion, I’ve learned that when you’re doing something involving creative thinking, you should let EVERYTHING inspire and influence you. Conversations, Music, etc. I’m greatly influenced by film though. I hardly watch Television and that Reality TV bullshit, but love documentaries, as well as movies from the 80’s and early 90’s. That’s just me though.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

The next generation is going to have A LOT of tatted up Grandma’s and Grandpa’s. Why? Because tattoos gained popularity in the last decade due to increased media attention. A tattoo ain’t nothing but a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. A permanent drawing on the skin that essentially shows that you are a conformist, a follower, a sheep, a person totally incapable of thinking for yourself, a mindless dummy devoided of originality, a misguided soul who wants to look just like every other tattooed clown in the world. I guess thats why there are many more sheep than shepherds. Sheep just follow blindly. Shepherds know the destination. Woe to you.

Females shouldn’t get titty tattoos. Titty tattoo’s are the mark of the ratchet. If you have a tattoo on your titty, you can’t be trusted. A titty tattoo only means one thing. Felonies. A felon female is not worthy of being your companion. Females with this type of tattoo has had sex with a man before she learned his Government name, she only knows his “Street Name.”

“Tramp Stamp” tattoo’s are a horribly cliche, or common tattoo that makes girls look like dumb hoes. Found on the lower back, and usually a butterfly or a set of stars…sometimes a happy flower of some sort. A tramp stamp tattoo is in direct correlation to the degree of sluttiness or looseness of the woman. If you’re seeking a female with this type of tattoo, you might want to put on 2 condoms. Why? Because most females with tramp stamp tattoo’s have a awful PH Balance and that essentially lessens the likelihood of her passing the “Finger Test” before sex (cringes). A female can’t have a tramp stamp and expect to not have tainted vaginal juices that only God and a healthy dosage of penicillin can fix LOL. That or she is storing that contraband for her significant other. Either way proceed with caution.

Dudes get tattoo’s for ALL the wrong reasons. You make yourself, simply, look like an uneducated fool. You have gang related tattoo’s and you’re body is marked up like a subway in Harlem but you had a good childhood and grew up in a stable home. False advertisement indeed. In fact, it is a stereotype to have these type of tattoo’s and to assume that every dude who gets these meaningless tattoo’s are called “cool.” You would shame me if you were in my acquaintance. And yes, I am a hypocrite for judging you as you have judged a group of people who don’t have tattoo’s.

In conclusion, Tattoo’s are pointless, which is why I don’t have any. Females ask me all the time “Why don’t you have any tattoo’s?” Because that’s like putting a bumper sticker on a 2012 Range Rover. Whether society likes it or not, many people have tattoos and will continue to get them. Therefore, we don’t care to know you’re “Tatted like a Biker Boy” so sit down and drink a tall glass of STFU.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014