Archive for April, 2012


Brydell

Me and my guy Bryant Bowens are back with another installment. We all make jokes about Side Pieces being wifed up. Side Pieces are hoes. Side Pieces are in denial, yadda fucking yadda, but aren’t you tired of chasing that Side Piece around and inquiring to her every activity? What do you call yourself doing by wifing up that Side Piece? Are you running some kind of Side Piece reform clinic? Have you created some type of 12 step program at your Side Piece haven you call a home? Side Pieces have some interesting reasons as to why they pursued a life of Hoedom. They most likely say their Father wasn’t in their life and he’s the reason they became a hoe, and this is why Side Pieces want to get wifed. They’re looking for man to reassure their life. I am just fascinated by this reassurance from a menacing figure. It is rather frightening.

-Bryant

Something seems abnormal today! As I wake and pray to the man above for giving me another day on this earth, something seems aberrant to say the least but in a good way. The birds are chirping notes they have never displayed by my window before. The grass is greener, even the air smells fresher as I step to my front porch. Today feels like the first day of a new beginning. I step back into the house where I check my typical rounds via social media. I check my Twitter and Facebook, and plant my eyes on my news feed and everything came in full circle on my intuitions. The Side Piece relationship status changed from single to in a relationship. (Horror Music Insert Here)The sounds of heavenly chimes changed to Satan’s theme in 0.5 seconds in my head.

-Bryant

Who, What, When, Where, and Why, instantly runs through my head for this tragic display that I have just witnessed. Luckily, she had the name of the significant other in the status. It was the typical specimen who falls into the Side Pieces plan of fruition, and that is ladies and gentlemen the “Out of Towner”. The “Out of Towner” becomes the potential “Boo” during events like Lil 5, Expo, and random road trips. This is the perfect opportunity for the Side Piece to start off with a clean slate. It’s like a hunting scene between the predator (Sidepiece) and prey (Out of Towner) on National Geographic. The golden opportunity to show her mating qualities to someone that doesn’t know her hoe background at home. When the hunter finally catches her target, you will see a slight difference in the Side Piece. The word “Naïve” is best to describe it. They are innocent like the kid who took candy from the stranger. These are just 10 of the 118 changes you will see occur when the Side Piece is wifed up.

Bryant & Brydell’s 10 indicators of “Side Piece Changes.”

  • Tweets & Facebook statues like “Needing Some Company” are switched with “Missing Him” posts.
  • Instagram pics change from scantily clad to fully clothed.
  • No more visitations at the health & abortion clinic. Her life style changes and finally uses a LifeStyle.
  • She changes her friends that were also Side Pieces because birds of a feather flock together.
  • Deleting of the Inbox Messages and DM’S.
  • The Late Night Texts guys send to the Side Piece from 12-3 A.M. are not being responded to anymore.
  • Their periods are not irregular anymore. Plan B pills are no longer an option.
  • Church visitations are more frequently. If the relationship is going perfect, then a Wednesday service is attended during the week as well.
  • Their Ring Backs changes from Yo Gotti’s “Harder” to Yolanda’s Adams “Open My Heart.”
  • Black and Mild’s sales are down in the Women’s Demographic ages 18-34.

P.S. Me and Bryant’s article is sponsored by a HBCU, you just got yo Black ass schooled.
Follow Us On Twitter: @Bdell1014 & @Arete88

Hello loyal reader, today is 4/20 A.K.A. “National Marijuana Day.” First I’d like to ask, do you even know how 4/20 was created? No? You just follow a trend because a bunch people on social networks cosigns this pseduo holiday? You’re a sad case. Smoking mounds of weed doesn’t gauge levels of coolness. If you smoke weed every damn day, you’re a junkie. Ain’t no way around it. In this generation, a nigga will spend $100 or more a week on marijuana, but can’t treat a woman to a $20 plate? I don’t belong here. Priorities.

Bob Marley did not die on the cross for you pot heads to be smoking mounds of marijuana on 4/20. Fellas, if your rims cost more than your than your car? You shouldn’t be buying marijuana. If your sneakers cost more than your watch? You shouldn’t be buying marijuana. Your sneakers shouldn’t cost more than your watch. Time is money. Put down that joint & get you a nice watch. Some clothes that fit. Take care of your teeth. Be a man.

People will follow a trend just because. People out here don’t even know how 4/20 was originated. I know & I don’t even smoke. 4/20 was originated by a group of teenagers in California back in 1971. The teens would meet after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana. A small town called Tell City, in Indiana began this tradition a few years back. Pseudo weed smokers pretend they know about 4/20, but don’t even know the origins of this wack ass holiday. Wonderful logic you have there.

In conclusion, ladies if your man rather spends his last $20 on weed, it’s okay to cheat on him. He ain’t shit. His priorities are way out of line. A delusional nigga will claim that he’s being “hated” on because everyone is against this holiday. Now, a question to those who proclaim to be “Hated On”… what have YOU done to acquire haters? Bruh, you didn’t get that job because they hated on you? No, maybe you should have passed the drug test. Stop smoking marijuana.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

I know you’re use to me giving my skewed opinions on different topics between men & women, but in this installment I’m going to show you a side of me that I never share with people. Not even friends & family, & I shouldn’t be giving this type of info out anyway because people need to think for their damn self, but I’ll elaborate in the following paragraphs.

Do you know why we have dreams when we’re asleep? Can you even remember them when you wake up in the morning? Most people can’t even answer those two questions & I’ll tell you why. Every night before I go to sleep I write down “I want to remember my dreams & thoughts” with a pen & pad. As you write it down your brain invokes that message. Your conscious & subconscious part of your brain will automatically remember & when you wake up from your dream state you’ll get up in the morning & start writing stuff down. This is why I sleep with a pen & pad next to my bed. Once you write your thoughts & dreams down on paper, you invoke it to the universe, & this is how you manifest reality. When you are asleep you are alive. The dream world is the real world, what we are living in now while we’re awake is called an illusion. The body is a vessel & we have a soul inside that vessel that leaves the body when we’re asleep. Basically it’s a out of body experience. People don’t have the ability to leave their body when they’re asleep because they watch Television. Television misconstrueds your thoughts, & that’s why people have bad dreams. This is one of the reasons why I only watch 8-10 hours of Television a week & I stated this in the “Fuck Reality TV: Imagination of Illusion” article. But, your soul tries to leave your body every night while you’re sleep, but most people can’t & that’s why people twitch & jump while they’re asleep because their soul is trying to fight it’s way out of the pineal gland. This is why your soul doesn’t have the ability to leave your body because it’s calcified from watching too much damn Television. Bad dreams come from the bad foods you eat & the shit you watch on Television. All the TV shows you watch, you start visualizing bullshit & you bring it into your spirit world while you’re asleep.

Dreams are real. We are cosmic begings & we are multi-dimensional. People always wondered what REALLY happens to them once they die. When you die, your soul enters the 5th dimension AKA “Heaven,” but most people aren’t able because their soul is so calcified to the point they’re stuck in the 3rd dimension AKA “Earth” & this is why we have drifters & ghost that dwell in our presence everyday. That’s why we have “Body Snatchers.” Body Snatches are the ones that makes it feel like your being held down when you’re asleep, & they send you negative messages in your dreams.

Everybody in this world has a twin. But, they’re not on this planet. They’re on the twin planet called “Terra.” Terra is the 5th dimension of where your “higher self” is at. This is why YOU are always apart of every dream you have because your “higher self” (your twin) travels from the 5th dimension & into your dreams. That’s why I find it important to sleep with a pen & pad next to my bed because my “higher self” tells me my purpose for being here on Earth & I write it all on paper. Lowkey, this is how I know so much about different things & I share them in my articles, Facebook posts, & Tweets, because it’ll be useless if I die with it. Once you start to remember your dreams, your thoughts will be more pure & vivid. Once you start to eat right, stop watching Television, your dreams will change up. Stop eating processed foods. Processed foods will change up your DNA cole. Your DNA cole is like the tree of life inside your body, but stupid people eat processed foods that’ll change their thoughts, dreams, spirit & soul. Once you start eating right, your appetite will go away & start disappearing. Food is so overrated. The only thing you actually need is the sun. Somedays, I barely even eat, because I’m a solar being. Every small hole on your body is a solar panel & it’s sucking in energy from the sun. You don’t even need to eat. People think I’m crazy, people think I’m joking. I have so much energy & I barely even eat & I can go on for days without sleep if I wanted to because I spend 30 minutes to a hour in the sun everyday.

In conclusion, dreams are real & you must put proper stuff in your body so you can get the proper dreams you deserve. If you listen to me you’ll be able to remember & control your dreams. Now that I gave you the knowledge, what will you do with it? I feel so guilty leaking all this info because you can’t find it in a book or on the internet.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

Bryant-

Assenting with my young comrade, there are multiple ways for women to spot the floozy friend. A hoe track record stretches longer than a run on sentence, and the innocent friend is there to witness the (Hoe) excuse me the “Whole” thing. There are a heap of fun things women partake in amongst their female counterparts. One example is having brunch at least once a week. Well if you are scratching your head and telling yourself “Me and my friends never go to brunch”; I am sorry to crush your little promiscuous heart but you might be that Hoe within the circle. That is the gossip hour, where your friends discuss the tip drill acts you displayed in the club the weekend before.

Brydell-

Great points, Bryant. Furthermore, Classy chicks secretly hate their Hoe freind because we men LOVE them.  Riddle me this, do you know why chicks say shit like, “I’m dressing like a Hoe tonight”? Because Hoes have the most fun in life & they get all of the attention, which is why they’re the most hated in their click. If one of your friends of the click is a Hoe, everybody else is bound to be a Hoe. One bad apple spoils the bunch. If your Hoeness, Hoeism, & Hoe-ocity rubs off on your friends who were once classy women, you’re the Hoe of the click.

Bryant-

Despite all of the coonery that is considered popular amongst our youth, (one of them being Hip Hop), there are special gems we can get from the diminishing genre. That tool I’m referring to is Quotes/Sayings. The term “Sayings” is an understatement. Your hoe friend will call them “Daily Rituals”. Check out your friend Bio on her Twitter page. Do they live by the motto “Y.O.L.O.”? Female rapper Drake, has created an epidemic for fast women to unleash their” Inner Hoeism” with no remorse. Chivalry isn’t dead your Hoe friend killed it.

Brydell-

If your entourage of friends is 3 or 5 girls, at least one of them is the Hoe friend. Don’t be upset. You know which percent you fall into. There are many subcategories of Hoes, just like Bubba Gump broke down shrimp in the movie “Forest Gump.” Hoes too can come in many forms. Pay My Rent Hoe, I Drank Too Much Liquor Hoe, Summer Time Hoe, I Fuck Different Men In Other Cities Hoe, My Boyfriend Made Me Mad Hoe, Groupie Hoe, or the old fashion “I need money after sex” Hoe. Whatever category you are in make sure you’re a not a stupid Hoe. Respectable females, you will never be forgotten. I know all the Hoes get all the attention. But, you are &  forever will be the real definition of a woman.

Follow Us On Twitter: @Bdell1014 & @arete88

Brydell Rice-

Ahhhhh maaaan… Are you in the Friend Zone? It’s the worse place a man can be unless you’re a Homosexual or if the girl is ugly. There’s nothing wrong with a platonic relationship between man and woman. But let’s be damn clear, a man NEVER sets out to just be friends, pussy is his motivation, always. The Friend Zone is like the Matrix, no matter how hard you try to get out, it’s nearly impossible unless you’re Neo from the movie “Matrix.” You know one cool thing about women, women get to have platonic friends. “He’s my homie…I love him like a brother, he’s my bestfriend.” Men don’t have platonic friends. We just have women we haven’t had sex with yet.

Bryant Bowens-

The Friend Zone is like a realm of darkness and depression between hell and the earth’s surface because you have the responsibilities of a boyfriend without receiving any sex. Truthfully, I can tell you signs that will let you know you landed in the Friendzone, but I can’t tell you how to get out because I’ve made it a habit not to get there in the first damn place.

Friend Zone Signs by Bryant Bowens

    • If she’s always calling you and texting you but the conversations are not about YOU & HER.
    • If you haven’t tongue kissed her by the 1st or 2nd date, you’re on your way to the Friend Zone & not the End Zone.
    • If she talks about every guy she likes to you & you’re okay with it, you’re giving off Homosexual vibes.
    • If you are on your 6th date and it’s not a RedBox night, you’re no longer in the Friend Zone, you’re in the Lame-Ass-Dude Zone.

Check out @arete88’s “Fake Shore Drive” article———> http://wso.li/1UlG

For those of you out there playing the dating game, it can be a rough world. Especially for hard working, honest men. Undercover hoes are out in force trying to bag you. They come in all shapes and sizes, in all kinds of disguises, so here’ s some things to watch out for…to minimize the surprises… You didn’t know I flow?

10) She has no girl friends. Explanation? “I just get along better with guys”. Yeah, I bet you do!

9) She has a hair band on her wrist at ALL times. Think about it.

8) She carries underwear in her purse. I shouldn’t even have to mention that one, but, you never know.

7) If your mother put you on birth control before you were 18 years old, she was a Hoe and knew it ran in the family.

6) She falls asleep first.

5) Her mom is a hoe. The apple doesn’t usually fall far from the tree. If her mom was a hoe, chances are, she’s going to follow that same hoe-ified path.

4) When you ring her doorbell she asks, “why didn’t you just honk?”

3) She spends more time getting ready to go to the gym than she actually spends at the gym.

2) She watches Reality TV. Women love the media, and lets face it, TV is like a live feed directly from the Hoe academy. From a very young age they’re taught that hoe tendencies will lead them to a life of fun and satisfaction. Unfortunately, for a young woman, the tattered path towards gratification only leads to hoeification.

1) HER MOM IS A HOE!

Its an epidemic, ladies and gentlemen. There is no known vaccine for the Hoe virus, but there are several immunizations. Educate yourself.

Follow Me On Twitter @Bdell1014

Before we start this article, I’ve never been to Lil 5, but I’m going this year. I’m more analytical, even while I’m totally wasted, I’m observant of what’s going on. I may be in the middle of the dance floor or at different Lil 5 events, but it’s like I’m a camera recording all of the madness. Therefore, I’ll tell you the type of people to avoid and rules to live by when you’re in Bloomington for Lil 5.

Rule 1: Do not be the “Mr. I Know Everybody”: I hate this guy. He’s like the local non-celebrity. He’ll walk in one of the Bloomington College Mall Parties like it’s his wedding. Shaking hands, saying “I ain’t seen you in a minute” to everyone.

Rule 2: Avoid the “Ugly Sexy Girl”: She’s the freakiest thing at Lil 5. Body like Toya, face like Tiny. But man does she get the party jumping. This chick doesn’t care about her hair or if her tits are popping out. This wildebeest is on the floor grinding on two niggas AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!, taking it! She’s ugly and proud of it!

Rule 3: Stay away from the “I want to Fight Dude”: He’ll be like “Yo get off me man! I’m tired of this shit!” Don’t be afraid, this isn’t Gary Indiana no ones going to stop popping off. This dudes going to get worked up, try to take his shirt off, say “What’s good my nigga!” a few dozen times, but when security walks over he’s quiet.

Rule 4: Expect the unexpected “Random Asian:” You’ll see her walking around like she accidentally went to the Rush Hour 4 audition, at first they looked lost but after a few shots they roll with it because we’re all Ninjas.

Rule 5: Don’t fuck with the “Angry lame dude:” The night’s over everyone’s piling out and you hear him say, “This shit was weak, wasn’t no bitches up in there.” Sorry dude, there were “bitches up in there” even an Asian one. Maybe if you hadn’t spent the night mean mugging with your back to the wall and face in your Iphone Tweeting then you would have noticed them.

Rule 6: Do Not Be The “Twitter Whore”: I never noticed this before but everyone is on their phone no matter what College party they’re at Tweeting. I admit I twittered twice, don’t judge me. But women will literally be dancing & backing their asses up while on their phones Tweeting. One time, this girl next to me was on Twitter (yeah I was being nosey) and two different dudes came trying to run game on her and I swear she did not look up at these dudes she just smiled, nodded, laughed and continued to Tweet.

Rule 7: Stay away from the “Too Happy Girl”: This bitch is a little too happy to be at Lil 5. She’s hugging people, speaking to you even though you haven’t said anything to her, telling her homegirls “We about to get Lil 5 crackin’, we in this bitch!” and the key feature is that laugh… that horrible horrible laugh that you can hear above the music even if you’re next to the speaker.

Rule 8: Wear Clothes That Fit: At every College party there’s a big girl who doesn’t know she’s BIG. I support big sisters doing they thing, them fluffy girls are pretty damn flexible. But I don’t like the 300 pounder who think she’s still at her high school weight of 120 with curves in all the right places. A medium shirt is not default for all women honey. Sometimes you got to face facts and tuck that fatty goodness into something with an X in front of it.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014