Archive for August, 2012


September: #CuffingSeasonTrainingCamp is like the Pre-Season NBA try-outs but only you’re scouting and searching for a prospective female to cuff up this fall/winter. If her ass isn’t being consistent, send her to the D-League to develope her chances for being cuffed next season.

October: October is a month where every team AKA “dude” will approach her on some thirsty shit because of the rumors of her being cuffed by you this season, which is called #TradeRumors. BUT it’s your duty to play good defense and keep these other teams away from woman or she’ll stray off during #TradeDeadlineWeek and be on another niggas team. And this is why you have to step it up before the “Cuffing Season Playoffs” begin. If you don’t wine and dine her and sex her like a pornstar, you may lose her during Playoff time.

November: The “Cuffing Season Playoffs” are still going on and niggas are becoming more thirsty for your woman. Niggas are starting to become lonely… Especially her Ex-Boyfriend. He will text her frequently during late hours of the night because he’s sad, drunk, and miserable without her #SadderDay. He’s the saddest man alive during this time of year, but if he’s able to get her attention, you can kiss your “Cuffing Season Finals” dreams goodbye bruh.

Good Luck this season. Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

Inspired by @toysldrs last years “Cuffing Season Calendar.” —-> 

It’s almost that time of the year again! That’s right, cuffing season is arriving but many of you need to go to “Training Camp” first. Why? Because some of you didn’t last too long with your boo during last years cuffing season, so I’m here to help you so your ass won’t get traded or waived this season… For those of you unfamiliar with the term “cuffing season,” it is the time of the year when the weather gets a little colder, and men and women alike, start look for someone to spend those cold evenings with. Cuffing season can be the start to a long-lasting relationship, or it can wind up being just an extended fling with a few extra benefits. No matter what it may turn out to be, there are some things that you must know during “Cuffing Season Training Camp”, that will ensure you a successful season snuggled up with your boo. It’s “Cuffing Season Training Camp” right now and some of you hoes won’t even make it to the Draft this season. Therefore, if you want to be Drafted and kept by your boo during the long and cold duration of Cuffing Season, I suggestion you read “The Cuffing Season Training Camp Tips” below.

“The Cuffing Season Training Camp Tips”

Don’t go hard with your approach: When on the search for cuffing season prospects, be smart and creative about it. You must be weary of those Ex’s that come creeping out the wood works. You know their style, so if you’re expecting something more than you already know they can give, that may not be the boo thang for you this season and ladies, you better play your position this season before you see another bitch in your Jersey scoring 30.

Don’t get too comfy too quickly: Cuffing season has a sense of brevity to it. You may be invited to spend the night or even the weekend, but don’t try and takeover a dresser draw or space in the closet, unless that option is given. Doing too much, too soon, is a sure way to cut your cuffing season short or you may get traded or benched this season.

Be prepared to put in work: Cuffing season is more than a booty call. This includes dates and chivalrous acts. Don’t think laying up in the house watching movies and eating take-out is going to cut it all winter long. It’s okay for you guys to leave the house.

Do find somebody that you get along with: The key to cuffing season is to find someone you can tolerate. If the person is going to be a drag, the season will be over before it started and you will have to put them on the bench all fucking season and your ass will be lonely and cold all fall/winter. Find someone who is engaging and can hold your attention. Find you a prospect that will be the star player.

Cuffing season can be a many splendid thing, but if you don’t play your cards right it can turn into the nightmare that never ends.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

Child: “*taps butt* Daddy, whe’e did I come fwom?“
Dad: “._. Umm .. well kiddo, you see, what had happened was…“

Kids always find a way to sneak up on you when you least expect it and unknowingly ask some of theworld’s deepest most renown questions, and all you can do is flex your imagination musculs to come up with some magical mythical story juuust good enough to hold them over for a few years then send ‘em on their way to go eat mud pies and play with dog poo. But when you sit and think about it, where DID we come from? Like, how the hell did we pop up on this smooth little planet place we call earf all them bagillionlem years ago?

Well, from what I’ve been able to scrape up from years of churchness and schoo’ teachings, there are two super theories out there that people have been using as helmets for head buttin’ practice in an attempt to explain just where us people folk came from: Evolution vs Creationism .. Monkeys vs Jehovah .. Aminals vs Hippies. (SN: I made those last two up (._ .)…) Nevertheless, I’m pretty sure we’ve all heard that we either A: developed from ape babies or 2: came from those two apple snatchers Adam and Eve. Welp, with nothing but time while working these 12 hour shifts, on top of intellectual conversations with other open minded peers, I’ve decided to explore these two options and see if I can’t come up with a logical explanation, or at least a side I can stick to and not worry about flip flappin’ back and forth. So with that, this is what I came up with.

Evolution: Here we basically have a concept that through hundreds of thousands of millions of years monkeys evolved, where mutations in genetics x DNA occurred, until eventually, pop goes a hu-man. Now, there is obviously much more detail and complexity that comes with this theory, but I’m not a science geekazoid and I assume your giveth of fucks about those details range from minimal to nada. So, moving along, this here idear suggests that we come from primates. Coo’. However, I’d simply like to ask: “Well if we came from monkeys, then where did they come from?” Certainly I’m sure there’s some super duper high tech sciencey response for this, but to that I ask again: “Well, if that’s where monkeys came from, then where did that shit come from?” This exchange of “Well fo’how’d that happen” and scientific explanations would go on until we reached the very origins of life, to even before the very first living breathing anything existed .. where the presence of nothingness reigned supreme .. where I’d then re-ask: “Sooo, where’d that come from?” From here I fail to see how my question can be answered without in a sense being told “something came from nothing”, which I refuse to accept because clearly shit doesn’t just happen without something causing it. (i.e Cause and effect x for every action there is a reaction x what goes up must come down x what goes around comes around) In my mind, I simply can’t fathom WHERE the very first organism came from and HOW it came about. Very very perplexing view this here evolution thang.

Creationism: Here we take the religious route where God said “Let’s get it!” and so it was. We’ve all heard the story of Adam and Eve x the sacred fruit and all that hoopla, right. (If you haven’t your parents hated you I’m pretty sure you have mind AIDS) From jump this theory seems unquestionably reasonable. Some-”supernatural”-body put us here, the first of our kind was created. The notion that one day “nothing” got bored of not being and decided to up and become “something” is eliminated. I was automatically drawn to this theory from the simplicity to comprehend it, but then I decided to dig a little deeper. Watch this. God created Eve from Adam right. Well, that means “technically” Adam and Eve were more so brother-sister than husband-wife; their DNA was damn near the exact same. Ok, so in order to increase population they had to partake in incestual hunchin’ relations and produce multiple infant spawns. Now, it’s been proven that incest leads to a higher probability of congenital birth defects because it increases the proportion of zygotes that are homozygous. In regular folk terms, sexin’ your family members increases the possibility of defects in the offspring, if pregnancy occurs. This still makes perfect sense. Think about it, how many genetic disorders do we know happen to people’s kids even though never met until penile insertion? Down syndrome, sickle-cell, color blindness… If you really think about it everyone has something wrong with them. For me, I can’t see a got damnit thang without glasses/contacts. Some people have a lisp, others have excessively sweaty hands, you may have something as common as eczema. Just because a person isn’t walkin’ ’round in a helmet with limp hands and a drool bag doesn’t mean everything’s perfect.

So after long deliberation, in conjunction with several slave shifts, I decided my main man God did a damn good job on us. Despite the fact that we may be out here trading love juices with our distant cousin(s), it all seems so logical .. as long as you can grasp the idea that there is some “higher being” out there, somewhere, unfindable, existing all secret-like and whatnot. Not to mention the fact that I refuse to believe my great great great great *takes deep breath* great great great great great (x a gazillion) grandpa’s daddy’s father was out here walkin’ around being Ceasar from “Planet of the Apes”. Not too fo’positive about y’all, but for me that’s no bueno. Fuck .. that. Then again, who am I to say “No” to evolution? Hell, maybe God made the mate of pri and said “Shiiiet, let’s see what happens.” But like I always say: Believe nothin’ you hear and even less of what you see, think for yourself, and above all achieve. ✌

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