“Why I Hate The iPhone 5 & You Should Too” by Brydell

Posted: September 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

First and foremost, they should have never gave you niggas data plans. I openly admit I’ve never understood the mystique and passion that draws people to stand in line for days and hours to get the iPhone 5, but you never see niggas lined up by the thousands standing in line for work boots. Sure the iPhone 5 looks dope, sleek, with cute boxy icons for apps and functions but beyond that it’s a thin tin box with fancy wrapping. So, let’s forget its uniqueness and thin shape, and get down to why I hate the iPhone 5 and why some of you niggas shouldn’t be allowed to purchase it.

Siri: Um… nice try catching up. The iPhone 5’s Siri still won’t tell these hoes who they baby father is. Androids have been doing voice-prompted calling for over a couple of years, and are capable of understanding voice commands to do the same things Siri can do. Talk into an Android and say “What’s the weather today?” Hey Siri, my Android was doing this a few years ago. Illogical.

Standing In Line: So you’re telling me niggas are getting ready to wait hours in line for an Apple product they can’t even eat? SMH. Never forget that Slim Dunkin died over a bag of Gummy Bears and you expect to leave the Apple Store alive with that iPhone 5? It’s not happening.

iPhone Camera: Camera… Really? It’s 2012 and Apple still has the same 8MP camera they had in the 4S. Most smartphones were shipping with 8MP cameras in 2010. Stupid.

Government Aided People Buying The iPhone 5: Don’t you hate when people that live off Government Assistance buy new shit like your tax money doesn’t provide for them? I sure in the hell do. I don’t look down on anyone on Government Assistance, but I look sideways at anybody thinking they’re balling while on it. If you’re Government Aided and my tax money supports you, you shouldn’t be allowed to purchase the iPhone 5 nor have a phone that’s expensive than mine.

My point is that if you want a smartphone, look around and see what works the way YOU work, and not adjust to the way these niggas and hoes will accept you. It seems contradictory for so many artistic and creative people to be told what to like rather than beating their own path and finding what works for them. I don’t own any Apple devices by choice. I bought one online for cheap 2 years ago and sold it a few days later for twice what I paid. I didn’t feel bad about that either. Capitalism my nigga.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

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