Archive for September, 2013

Black Twitter caused an uproar about $200 dates the other day so I’m here to break down dating rules based off a chick’s substance and ratings. Every now and then, you may have the crazy idea in your head that you should take a hoe out for dinner. Whether it be because you’re hungry, or you are trying to flatter her, there are some basic ground rules that you need to keep in mind my niggas.

NEVER spend too much money on her. There should be a correlation of some sort between her rating on a 1-10 scale, and how many dollars you spend on a bitch meal. While it is safe to say that you shouldn’t be taking a chick that’s a ‘3’ rating out to dinner, that doesn’t mean you can’t take a girl out for a cheap dining experience.

Even I have taken a girl out and gotten her to fuck me after dinner. Avoid places that are too cheap though, as they could lead to indigestion before insertion, and that is never good. Especially avoid Golden Corral, unless you’re taking out her cockblocking fat friend with you and you’re trying to lose her along the way. That long line of sub par food may very well be more exciting to her than your dick. I’ll give a few acceptable food choices depending on the rating of the girl you’re taking on a date.

A Chick That’s A 1-3 Rating- The corner store usually has day old hot dogs, maybe some soggy nachos, or even a candy bar should all suffice in this situation. Though, while you’re there, you should probably do yourself a favor and buy a 40 ounce for yourself my nigga. (I hope for your sake that you’re not really going out with a girl rated this low, but if you are, I suppose you have to take her somewhere, right?)

A Chick That’s A 4-5 Rating- Not quite condonable, somewhere cheap with poorly lit rooms would work best. You should consider a low-class Chinese buffet perhaps. (Hopefully, this will be the only pussy that you’re eating tonight, LMAOOO) Though buffets leave you susceptible to spending too much time together, so, if possible, you should try to find a quicker meal. Studies have shown that KFC is a suitable location, as the Colonel is rarely known to cockblock. Also, neighborhood Mexican restaurants are acceptable, especially if you can get away with only giving her chips and salsa as a meal.

A Chick That’s A 6-7 Rating- Now you’re getting into the more promising territory, so do not be afraid to open your wallet a little more in order to open her legs. This is a good range to take a hoe for wings if you’re a fan. Not only will you be able to focus your attention on the multiple TVs showing sports in case the dinner isn’t going well, but you’ll also be able to scope her tongue technique as she licks any excess sauce off of her fingers.

A Chick That’s A 8-9 Rating- This is where you don’t want to make a mistake. If you’ve come this far, and are taking out a highly-rated girl, you don’t want to seem cheap, but at the same time, you don’t want to splurge before you splooge. With a girl this attractive, you won’t be afraid to be seen with her, so a popular, albeit boring location, is acceptable. Chili’s, Olive Garden (Get her full on unlimited salad and breadsticks) and Applebees are all possibilities, and also give you a decent chance of having a waitress better looking than your hoe if you so please. This way, it seems casual, you don’t look poor, and you can have decent food. I don’t recommend taking a hoe to your favorite restaurant, for fear of running into her in the future after you are done with her, it could get messy, and you could have to give up your favorite spot.

A Chick That’s A 10 Rating- A chick rated this high can only be taken on $200 dates BUT only if your main objective is to wife her. This is the only time that I will condone taking a girl out for a nice meal. If the girl is a certified dime, you can, if you’re in the mood for it, take her out for sushi. The reason I reserved sushi for a dime was to ensure that your sushi will be the only thing smelling fishy, and not your date’s pussy. While you should be careful not to overspend, most girls realize that a sushi date is special, and will try not to order too much. On occasion they will be satisfied/full with just a few pieces off of your plate. A good sushi dinner for two can be had for under $30-40, and you’ll be full, the girl will be honored, and your chances of smashing will increase tenfold. Be careful though, keep the sushi dinner in your back pocket only for girls who are worthy, you don’t want to show your best card in an unnecessary situation.

Remember though, some hoes may be so happy that they have been taken out for dinner that they will offer to pay in some cases. To keep this possibility open without asking openly, when the check comes, excuse yourself to the bathroom for a second, and if you come back and the bill is paid, act surprised by her sweetness and have yourself a win/win situation. Free sushi and free sex? I don’t think it gets much better than that my nigga.

Follow Me On Twitter @Bdell1014

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From September to November the climate is “Drake Weather.” Just cold nights without your ex and hungover mornings. Cuffing Season doesn’t start until Drake drops his new album.  If you don’t cuff your ex by the time Drake drops “Nothing Was The Same” on September 23rd, you may never gonna get your ex back. You’re just gonna be stuck in the deep dark abyss of the Drake Phase suffering from liquor withdrawals, mass depression, & memories of your ex. But I’m here to help you my niggas. If an ex is still in your heart, be honest about it. Acting as if they no longer exist won’t make the pain subside any sooner. You’ll be stuck in the Drake Phase for eternity.

CAUTION: The Drake Phase causes: Weight loss, alcoholism, hairline loss due to stress, watery eyes, & hallucinations of your ex.

Nothing is never the same after your ex leaves you. Those Drake lyrics you’re texting her are being ignored like Facebook Friend Request, and if she never texts you back you just gotta pack up all your emojis and go to bed. No point in clutching your phone tight at night hoping for a text from your ex cause Drake’s new album doesn’t comes with a waterproof case to protect your tears from crying over your ex. You’ll ruin your phone my nigga. But depending on the repercussions after you and your ex broke up, you may still have chance to find the key to get out of Heartbreak Hotel cause your ex either hates you or loves you, nothing in between.

(How To Get Out Of The “Drake Phase:”)

-Don’t follow her on Instagram because your ex will wait til yall break up to start wearing heels & dresses again. A nigga see his ex get 150+ “likes” on a pic & just lose composure & text her “Wyd tonight?”

-Never stalk her Twitter page to monitor her actions.

-No consumption of alcohol cause Drake’s “Marvins Room” instrumental will start playing in your head when you’re thinking about composing a drunk text to your ex late hours of the night.

-Take your new hoes to spots where you and your ex use to go. Your feelings for her will cancel out like a Mathematical equation.

-Don’t follow her on Vine. Watching your ex get over you in video imagery is like watching how Andy got rid of Woody for Buzz on Toy Story.

-Don’t listen to Drake after 12AM cause Drake’s music makes you wanna do some G shit but do something sentimental in the process like break into your ex crib & take out her garbage. Don’t do it my nigga.

Every real nigga has been through the Drake Phase. I’ve been there too. Going through the full and complete process of the Drake Phase has taught me valuable lessons that I benefit from now. None of my past relationships were mistakes, just valuable lessons. I swear some niggas, particularly the ones who are STILL disgruntled over an ex from years ago, just sit around and dwell in everyone’s presence in stealth mode with negativity. They are pathetic and miserable… you don’t wanna be classified as that guy. External motivation is temporary. If it ain’t already in you to get over your ex, you’re wasting your time reading this blog. I’m not telling you to completely hate your ex but you gotta co-exist. Just because you and your ex didn’t work out doesn’t mean you have to act tyrannical towards her cause 9 times out of 10 it was just mutual incompatibility, not malicious.

In conclusion, use this as a top secret tactic to get over your long lost love & to help others who are sinking in the Drake Phase like the quick sand on Super Mario. When someone tells you they are over an ex, that’s a sure sign they are not. You never really get over people, you just get away from them.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014

Lil Wayne’s 5th installment “Dedication 5” mixtape dropped today & niggas downloaded it faster than Weezy’s seizure recovery speeds. After dropping this mixtape, we must bring down the regime of Lil Wayne’s career. He hasn’t been the same since him & Birdman locked lips like love at 1st sight… but my niggas, I sat through all 25 tracks of one of the most overrated mixtapes in the history of Hip Hopdom & I cried so much in devastation that I have a permanent tear drop under my left eye like Lil Wayne.

I gave Dedication 5 an honest listen & I decoded each track thoroughly. I only like 3 out of 25 tracks on Dedication 5. Lil Wayne is shooting 12% from the field when it comes to making good music now and Drake is YMCMB’s only hope to lead the to the Championship. Lil Wayne’s career is deterioating & his fans are too naive to grasp that logic.

Lil Wayne gives his audience this perception that he’s “Not Human” when he has too many seizures to not be human. For those who are Lil Wayne fans, from your point of view, his music may have grown musically, and that’s debatable, but I’m not sure how much he has grown as a Black man & it’s affecting his ability to create quality songs. One thing I use to admire about Lil Wayne was his honest self-analysis but now I don’t think he knows who he is & it shows in his music.

I’d consider Lil Wayne artistically courageous for some of the bullshit music he puts out now, but that still doesn’t make him a genius or the best rapper alive. Niggas use those terms too liberally and ahistorically, Weezy is just a typical rapper that gets radio play because he uses keywords that are heavily promoted in this era whether, it’s fashion (Truck Fit), Drugs ( Molly), & etc.

For all of Lil Wayne’s flaws in music, you still get the idea that music comes before money. Lil Wayne wants to be famous, not great & it appears.

Follow Me On Twitter: @Bdell1014