“Top 5 Hoe Beverages” by @Bdell1014

Chicks seem to think that men are too thickheaded and inattentive to identify which of them are hoes so I am here to help you decode how a chick is a hoe by what she drinks. Chicks to believe their sly poses of innocence and white lies are good enough to keep niggas in the dark about their sexual histories but their dirty little secret is out my niggas… and after digging through the archives of “Hoedom” and mad observations, I’ve found incriminating evidence by their choices of beverages.

4Loko

SMFH. If the chick you’re seeking is drinking this shit, run my nigga. Run at warp speed like when Ricky from “Boyz In The Hood” got shot down in the alley b. The more she’ll drink this beverage, the more explicitly she’ll talk about sex before you’ve fucked her, and the likelier she has a storied hoe past.

Hennessy

Chicks that drink Hennessey will never be attractive. A chick that drinks this is a hoe , emotionally scorn, and crazy. Let that liquor tell these hoes the truth for you. Chicks that drink this beverage is gossipy, backstabbing, conniving sort who drips with sarcasm and generally disdains everyone around her, and I can bet you any kind of money that if you date a chick that drinks this shit straight, she’s crazy enough to damage your whole Car like the bonus round in Street Fighter 2. SMH.

Faygo Soda

This drink can be found at every corner store in the Hood… you know what that means right? She’s possibly a hoe, a ratchet one. A chick that has the “G.I.  Joe With The Kung Fu Grip” around this beverage solely means she’s the type who can’t stand to be single and monkey swings like Donkey Kong from one nigga to the next, sometimes with sperm-sharing overlap from every nigga in the hood, odds are high she’s a hoe.

Moscato

Chicks that drink Moscato are fake fancy and listens to a lot of Keisha Cole’s music… and bitches only listen to Keisha Cole’s music when they’re doing bad. You can see the bitterness in a chick that drinks Moscato through train smoke and it’s absolutely because their pussy is wet but their personality is dry… that’s why niggas hit and leave them while they’re at home cuddling with their knee caps while listening to Keisha Cole.

Any Alcoholic Beverage That Correlates To Sex: Example – “Sex On The Beach”

Chicks that drink sexual beverages show a lot of cleavage all the time like most chicks on Twitter. No worries if she’s accentuating her titties on the first date to entice you, but if she’s got those colliding death stars displayed for every nigga in the world to admire every time you’re out with her, you’ve got a hoe on your hands who is addicted to advertising herself like McDonald’s ad’s my nigga. And there will be buyers, oh yes!

Now that I’ve decoded the Top 5 Hoe Beverages, I suspect that overall a chicks hoe levels are not defined by proxy fashion trends, it’s by what she drinks. 75% of the time niggas can’t gauge a chicks character by what she wears cause hoes and good women dress the same nowadays and with the blue state city chicks fucking around more than ever and the red state religious girls fucking around less. It goes without saying that only the top 20% of men are enjoying the emergent Hoe bounty.

Follow Me on Twitter: @Bdell1014